In case you didn’t know, I got married about six weeks ago. (See photos!) My beloved and wonderful husband, Anthony, and I have been busy settling, and you may see some changes coming to my website (and name) in the weeks and months to come. But don’t worry, we’ll make sure things don’t get too confusing. 🙂
I’ve discovered a lot of new things as a newlywed. One is that, whenever people hear you just got married—or see you for the first time since you’ve been married—they love to ask a particular question.
“So! How is married life?!”
If Anthony and I are together when we are asked the question, we generally look at each other (we’re quiet folks, you know) and eventually come up with something like, “It’s good…busy, lots of adjusting.” If I’m alone, my reply is pretty similar.
How do you pack one of the hugest transitions of your life into a one-sentence answer?
We got married at a historical museum – rather fun for a historical writer like me. 🙂 How do you like our honeymoon luggage?
The truth would take a while to really process and explain. The truth is some days being married is absolutely wonderful and thrilling, and some days it is fun, and some days it’s just comforting and consoling, like when we both come home from a long day of work and commuting and grab leftovers for dinner and sit and watch Dr. Who together and just unwind. And some days it’s kind of frustrating, and some days, it’s really hard.
And sometimes it varies not by days but by the moment.
I guess in some ways marriage amplifies the usual stress of life, because all the usual family drama and work stress is doubled between the two of you, and while any relationship will face tension at times, when you put two very different and sinful people, man and woman, together in the most intimate of relationships and try to weld them into one (John and Stasi Eldredge compare it to being locked in a submarine together!), you are bound to get some rather special combustions at times.
With our wonderful wedding party of family and friends (my sister in the green)
Being married is hard sometimes. But then, so is life.
My sister, who is finishing her junior year of college, mentioned recently how she’s lived much of her life up to now with the mindset of, “Once I finish high school…college…this year…then things will surely settle down and get easier.” And how she’s realizing that is going to happen—well, never.
I’ve been showing Fiddler on the Roof to my 10th grade English class lately, for cultural context and compare/contrast with their current literature text, The Chosen by Chaim Potok. I’ve loved getting an excuse to watch this movie again—especially with kids who’ve never seen it. But yesterday, we watched the scene with Tzeitel and Motel’s wedding. It struck me close to the heart, seeing Motel getting dressed up and thinking of Anthony as he prepared for our ceremony, watching Tzeitel’s face as she looked at her groom and remembering being in that place myself just a few weeks ago.
And then hearing the song, “Sunrise, Sunset,” which I danced to with my dad at our reception for the father-daughter dance.
It’s one of my favorite songs from the movie, and the words never fail to move me with their poignancy and truth.
Here’s the clip from the movie if you want to see:
That’s how life is, isn’t it…happiness and tears, often intertwined, both always present, it seems. We can’t have one without the other, not until heaven.
But just because life—and marriage—are hard, doesn’t mean they aren’t be good. And I think we appreciate the happiness all the more because of the seasons of tears.
Just for fun, what movie/musical wedding scenes and songs do you love most? Please do comment and share!
Kiersti, what a beautiful post! You are so right, marriage mirrors life with all its ups and downs, but in marriage you have someone to share them with. And how appropriate the song “Sunrise, Sunset,” especially coming from a parent’s point of view. The wedding of your children is something you looked forward to a long time ago, it seems, then it happens and you wonder how it happened so fast, loving the adults they’ve become, yet missing the children they were. And now, looking forward to the new life they’ll create with their spouse as they ride off into the sunset together.
And you’ve just been through a family wedding too, Marilyn, with your son! I can only imagine how the words of that song must resonate as a parent. Bless you, friend–and thanks for your encouragement!
‘Fiddler’ is such a great film and the throughlines of ‘tradition’ and the durable love are great reminders that that family is God’s first community. I like this film and the song very much, and I also like Israel Kamakawiwo’s version of ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ that plays over the last scene in ‘First Fifty Dates’ – when the movie reveals Drew Barrymore realizing (again) after another amnesiac night’s sleep that she’s married and a Mother .
Hmm, I haven’t seen that movie–sounds good! Thanks for sharing, Donna! And yes, I love Fiddler. It’s been fun to introduce it to my students. 🙂 Blessings!
‘Fiddler’ is such a great film! And the themes of ‘tradition’ and ‘durable love’ are great reminders that family is God’s first community. I like this film and the song very much, K. I also like Israel Kamakawiwo’s version of ‘Somewhere Over The Rainbow’ that plays over the last scene in ‘First Fifty Dates’ – when the movie reveals Drew Barrymore watching her wedding video (again) after another amnesiac night’s sleep and realizing that she’s married – and a Mother!
Yes, marriage is beautiful and hard. Looking back on 40 years, the beautiful outweighs the hard by far. It’s so awesome to know each other so well. The romance is still there! May you always see the beauty, even in the hard spots!
Thank you, Norma–what beautiful words of encouragement! Blessings. 🙂
Kiersti,
Glad to hear this wonderful news!
Congratulations and best wishes to you and Anthony!
Thanks for sharing your blog on your early days of marriage. Even with hard times (mainly dealing with Alzheimer’s with my first husband, and two forms of cancer with Ralph) the beautiful still outweighed them. Just keep talking with each other even though you said you both are quiet! It keeps the romance alive and well for years and years!
With love,
Barb Winter
How lovely to hear from you, Barb! And thank you so much for your words of wisdom and encouragement. Such a good reminder to keep talking…quiet though we are, it’s amazing how much Anthony and I can talk once we get going (at least to each other 🙂 ). But I don’t want to ever lose that. Thanks so much for stopping by, and the Lord bless you!
I finally read this, haha!!! And it was so beautifully written sister and very special to relive memories from the wedding and hear some of your thoughts on life as always. 🙂 Love you, and I’d have to say two of my favorite movie weddings are The Slipper and the Rose and Pride and Prejudice! 😉
Aw, thanks, sister! And ooh–I love those wedding scenes so much too!! Thanks for reminding me of them. 🙂 Love you!